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TLC’s My Strange Addiction has featured everything from compulsive scab picking to fur suit fetishes. However one new episode is particularly startling. Casie lost her husband Sean to a severe asthma attack a few months ago, and says that the day he passed was the day “her world stopped turning, and [her] life fell apart.”

Casie first started by carrying his remains in a cremation box around with constantly. She watches TV, grocery shops, and even cooks food (even items she doesn’t like) for him. Her addiction evolved when she was transferring the remains and some of her husband’s ashes fell on to her fingers.

“I didn’t want to wipe them off because I thought that’s ‘my husband and i cant just wipe him away.’ So I just licked it off my fingers, and here I am today almost two months later, and I can’t stop,” Casie said.

WATCH A TEASER FOR THIS MY STRANGE ADDICTION EPISODE ON TLC HERE

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